I can be more structured, more prioritized, more organized. Maybe these are the things that I see as weakness or feeble in me, my emotional state usually dominates, and I forget what I should be doing. Searching for vocation? Meaning in everything we see or perform or present? The current condition of the world? The pain I feel. I haven't painted in a week, sometimes painting repels me, my brushes in water for weeks at a time, feel like I've lost inspiration or energy to continue with this, and half the time not knowing why I do it.

Why do we choose to live lives that shake our foundations, where we choose to grind to the core of injustice in whatever form, where the truth is ugly and cold. The leaders of countries, the minority in governments makes choices for the majority of the world. This does cause anger in me. But I think one has to believe under any circumstance there is something in us that is never transient, never shifting, something that will give us Strength to endure any suffering, and maybe times like this will come. And it is in these times that another layer of us is peeled away, and we are made new again somehow.